Back From Kylemore

I awake and the clock reads 3:00am. This is my third day rising before anyone, including the sun. I must say, the clarity and focus that comes with waking at such wee hours is inspiring, and part of me wishes to remain acquainted and friended with this pre-dawn. Homework and reading can be cared for without distraction or concern for others. Its just me, my life to steward, and the Holy Spirit who reminds me that somebody loves me. dearly and is preparing a place for me elsewhere. What I do now matters.
The other part of me is fractured in a state limbo, of uneasiness and ill-comfort. What is this dawn to me? As it is dark outside, shall I, too, float in the darkness of sleep 'til I awaken with the precious morning hues of sunrise?
Yet, here I sit, and here I am awake. Now what?
The last strains of homework are officially done and emailed away to be graded by a professor who dedicated much of her life to guide the mind that wrote that final Shakespearean paper. I read it to a friend and got the stamp of approval. So if school is a main priority to take up this morning, I would be reading ahead.
Working out is still a sore subject, literally. I've been injured for the past 6-7 weeks. Exercise is now something to ease into, one step at a time.
Getting my videos together from my adventures at Kylemore Abbey and in Paris must wait, due to my lack of space to upload the videos onto my computer.
So instead, I drink some water, lay face down on my bed, and pray.
Prayer is a painful thing at this point. Its like I cannot will myself to speak aloud, like my spirit is so drained within me that there is no energy to speak.
Prayer is a war zone too. It can be a source of self-edification and justification instead of a conversation with the All-Mighty God.
So I pray for my friends and lift the gravity of figuring out myself up to God. He knows what I need, and when I'll need it.

May I trust in who he is today, with all my heart. ANd have bold faith to listen, without the need to speak.

More letters to write and more adventures to come.