Back From Kylemore

I awake and the clock reads 3:00am. This is my third day rising before anyone, including the sun. I must say, the clarity and focus that comes with waking at such wee hours is inspiring, and part of me wishes to remain acquainted and friended with this pre-dawn. Homework and reading can be cared for without distraction or concern for others. Its just me, my life to steward, and the Holy Spirit who reminds me that somebody loves me. dearly and is preparing a place for me elsewhere. What I do now matters.
The other part of me is fractured in a state limbo, of uneasiness and ill-comfort. What is this dawn to me? As it is dark outside, shall I, too, float in the darkness of sleep 'til I awaken with the precious morning hues of sunrise?
Yet, here I sit, and here I am awake. Now what?
The last strains of homework are officially done and emailed away to be graded by a professor who dedicated much of her life to guide the mind that wrote that final Shakespearean paper. I read it to a friend and got the stamp of approval. So if school is a main priority to take up this morning, I would be reading ahead.
Working out is still a sore subject, literally. I've been injured for the past 6-7 weeks. Exercise is now something to ease into, one step at a time.
Getting my videos together from my adventures at Kylemore Abbey and in Paris must wait, due to my lack of space to upload the videos onto my computer.
So instead, I drink some water, lay face down on my bed, and pray.
Prayer is a painful thing at this point. Its like I cannot will myself to speak aloud, like my spirit is so drained within me that there is no energy to speak.
Prayer is a war zone too. It can be a source of self-edification and justification instead of a conversation with the All-Mighty God.
So I pray for my friends and lift the gravity of figuring out myself up to God. He knows what I need, and when I'll need it.

May I trust in who he is today, with all my heart. ANd have bold faith to listen, without the need to speak.

More letters to write and more adventures to come.

A Spring 2013 Musing

Man, there is so much in one day. And though I may forget many of the blessings that the Lord places in my life, I want to write as many as I can down. Blessings nowadays come in many forms, but the scientific, post-modern way of thinking we live in either criticizes the believability of God's blessings or give way too much glory to other supposed "origins" of blessings. I want to just be thankful for what is meaningful to me, and may God be my judge for what is rightfully or wrongfully influencing my life. And the first thing I am thankful for is for brothers and sisters in the family of Christ that love everything pertaining to God and spreading his love to others. My surrounding family helps me grow into a loving person, ruled by freedom in Christ. I am so thankful for their influence and their examples of faith demonstrated in their works. God may be my judge, but my family members in Christ are my friends, my mentors, my coaches, and the closest images of God that I can see. I want to build up my family in love, as they build me up in love. Even when I or they forget that we belong together as part of something SO MUCH BIGGER, I hope the Holy Spirit can intercede on our behalf and remind us that we are genuinely loved and called to love genuinely.

This semester has been academically easy, but difficult in other ways. I got into a relationship rather quickly, which is totally unlike my character. I have trouble pouring into my own FRIENDS' lives by sharing my interests and passions, because when I switched my major, I felt that my passions and interests were all dissolved. So imagine trying to be in a relationship when you're still figuring out how to be a good friend, much less a girlfriend. Everyday I awoke without an innate sense of hope that God was with me, and had an exciting plan for my day. Yet, everyday proved exciting or excite-worthy. I now see another importance of prayer: it is to prepare yourself by faith for the plans God has for your day.

Faith preparation through prayer is like putting on the full armor of God.

 Ephesians 6:10-18.

On Cloud Nine, again.

Hey God,

I just wanted to thank you for these days of rest, happiness that I feel is undeserved, and for friends and family that are anchoring me with grace and love. My mind is tired, and yearns for rest, so I will lay down to rest now. 

I will soon leave for San Diego. It is Father's Day. Okay, I just need to nap, I think. 

Speak to me, dream with me, reason with me, teach me your love and righteous laws. 

I love you, so I will walk in your truth and abide in your teachings. 

Teach me to continually fear your name. 

A Lobby in Paris

I wrote this because Paris and its incredible urban life inspired me to introspect. A little frenzied by all the smoke and considerable lack of trees, I was desperate for something familiar... poetry came to mind. How am I feeling... 

A poem? A poem you suggest, hm?

What of thoughts? What of free time? You have those?

Either I have no time to spare...busy...

Or too much time that I fear the free space.

What shall I sing? What shall I write? Keep still?

The options overload my search engine. 

Oh! The rhyme! Ah, yes. I forgot to rhyme.

Poems show intellect inside rhyme's time.

Of senses, experiences, of love. 

O Holy Spirit, descend like a dove!

No other muse shall I call beside thee.

To fill pentameter with majesty.

For shame, if I write with a quill of pride

Dipped in the ink of self-absorbing dye.

In Paris, I write. In its lobby, wait.

The lull is now before I take my state

And see where the Lord will guide me this year.

My fourth and final time to study here,

With a life at my fingertips, I fear.

I fear what college has done to me since

I transferred my major, lost confidence. 

I look at me and feel inadequate.

Who are you, I ask, why do you so fret?

Your grades are A's, your beauty grows, you pray,

So why let this fear grip your everyday?

You can't control later, your gift is now.

You're made to be worship, to serve and bow. 

Remember the sparrows, the lillies, see?

He who provides all has set his children free!

Why worry and fret for a battle won?

Keep moving forward with Jesus the Son,

Who lights up your life, a lamp on a stand,

To expose the truth of His mighty hand.

God died in our place, so that we may live.

So get out of the mud! His love you'll give.

The drummer boy drummed. And Mary pondered.

A second Mary wept; a third wondered.

All gifts were given to worship the Son,

And remind us today to say , "It is done."  

So when I am lonely, and feel anxious,

Remember His freedom; it's contagious!

Do not be foolish; obey Him in love.

Store treasures in heaven; eyes fixed above. 

You are a pearl, bought with the highest price.

Remember your worth. Don't throw in the dice!

Your fear is a lack of security.

But your soul is secure, eternally! 

What more shall you need, indeed only One.

Walk in humility. Live what He's done!

Pray for a pure heart of love and virtue.

 Obey him in love, and He will guide you. 

Christianity is a person, not a principle.

Christianity is not a system. It is a person.
His name is I Am Who I Am, not I Am What I Do.

Love who He is, for he created me with and for his love. :)
Therefore, my love manifests in acts of love and thankfulness.
Committing my way to demonstrating my love and gratitude expects nothing more and nothing less than my best.

Love is greater than fear.