A New Life.

"To believe is to be strong.

Doubt cramps energy.

Belief is power."

Today's date is August 3rd, 2011. It is my friend's birthday. It is sunny and hot.

My room is dark and cool, the air conditioning whirring a little louder than normal, but not irritating. Comforting, in fact. The noise keeps my thoughts from echoing inside my head, thinking a small thought that only ends up echoing back to me until nothing ever gets said. Ha! It also keeps me from talking back to the silence that brings both peace and pain, in accordance to recent circumstances.

You see... I am officially living in my own apartment. I have come to another rite of passage, and I only recently stepped through it's threshold. In the past few days, I have:

-shopped

-unloaded

-cleaned

-arranged

-rearranged

-made lists, and not slept until I thought my domestic capacities would soon fail me from hyper-exertion. But alas! Life goes on. And so I sit here... writing to document this important time in my life where I am accountable only to myself. Or so it seems.

One thing I have learned about living alone is that it can become very easy to let yourself go. Not to say I have in the least. But in theory, I have observed what my instincts tell me I can do versus what my past habits which tell me the things I should not do, and the delicate balance of both change and permanence.

Okay... to put it simply... "No, Katherine. You may NOT stay up until all hours watching Avatar: The Last Airbender episodes on Netflix. Don't kid yourself into thinking you can seriously function on that little of sleep for so long. No matter how late you're up... you still wake up at 7am. So get some sleep kiddo. Life is not a sprint to the finish. Pace yourself, and give yourself time and moderation."

And...

"Katherine, I know you are tired. But skipping Bible Study is not going to make things any easier. Keep your routine and life goes on. Keep going. You can do it!" (<-- Sometimes my conscience is less encouraging. haha but it gets the point across all the same)."

Stuff like that enters into my head, heart, soul, everywhere! So it would be dumb of me (and I have definitely done it before and it never turns out well) to ignore the facts about me that make me work and function. To ignore myself means to mistrust myself. If I mistrust, how can I expect to love myself and who God is molding me to be?? So... I am trusting that every activity-whether educational or recreational or restful- is worth my time and that is all I can be. God sees the bigger picture. I am a tree. A 5 foot 4 inch tree with good posture. :)

Plus, it is important to involve people in my life. Life is not about me and serving my needs. I need to be aware of others, and be their friend. Not in just a "I will do things for you so you can do things for me" sort of way. But a "I am here if you need a friend" sort of way. We all need friends. I have learned this to the core. So it is also my duty as a Christian and as a human being to love my neighbor and accept love and friendship. Sometimes, I have learned the accepting part is harder than the giving. Sometimes I simply do not feel worthy to be loved or befriended. But I have been saved from this, so I am free to love and befriend for my entire life. So yes, being a good friend is important. That is permanent.

Okay! But I have loooooved shopping for the different essentials I need to live. Color schemes and atmospheres are my main concern, but durability, discounts, and cost effectiveness are good too. :P

My bathroom is a simple zen room: deep brown rugs and a jade green shower curtain with big leaves in a lighter green tint.

The kitchen pots and pans are black and red-- because I am an iron chef, and I don't mess around in the kitchen. Mostly.

The kitchen silverware plates, cups, mugs and bowls are white with boldly colored flowers of orange, blue, green, and purple.

The towels are the same blue, green, purple, and orange as the plates and bowls.

I have a keyboard in my room with a book of worship songs with pop symbols. I can officially play and keep practicing them on the piano! There's a video recorder, a book of daily proverbial quotes, my bible study, a low table, and desk lamp, a desk (durrp), a bed, closet, clothes and food in the fridge and cabinets!

TODAY'S DINNER MENU:

-Mama Behr's Famous Carrot Soup

-Freshly Baked Unleavened Bread

-Pomegranate Cherry Crystal Lite

-A Friend's Company

(to enjoy, not to eat! ...silly..)

I have a partially deflated soccer ball without a pump.

Some board games and card decks.

Homework.

And the Resident Director's two small boys to play with in the courtyard.

An ANECDOTE! *Whishhhhhh*

The oldest little boy who is about 7, a peer named Lauren, and I all played make believe this afternoon. What was the story you may ask?

The entire books of 1 +2 Samuel, the stories of King David and Solomon.

All narrated and imagined by the 7-year-old. He knew it all. I was amazed.

I learned to never doubt the profundity of children.

Plus it was great! I got to be Bathsheba AND The Queen of Sheba.

SCORE!!!

We built the Tabernacle of the Lord during Solomon's reign in the courtyard's giant tree. And even his little brother, who is three, helped us out. What an afternoon.

I learned a lot and has a lot of fun.

END OF ANECDOTE doodlydoodlydo!

Now I will study my third and final time before my American Government class begins at 6:30. :)

Plus, I got to watch a handful of Avatar episodes. Moderation is doing good so far.

But man, it is so beautiful out that sometimes I find it hard to study. But not too hard. School is fun.

I am off to read a Federalist paper! Ciao.

P.S. C.S. Lewis is still rockin'. After Mere Christianity, its either The Giver or The Reason For God. So many books... so lit- wait. So many books, and just enough time.

They conquer who believe they can.