Gratitude-- too strong to hold in!

"There's something thrilling about tossing and turning all night.

It means a battle rages, and God is present with thee.

There all my gratitude lies."

I spent last night not sleeping much. Meeting new friends and connecting deeper into already existing ones makes me realize just how accurate my parents were in telling me, "The friends I made in college were the friends that I keep in contact with now." Not to say I'll ever forget the old; no, you will always be in heart be it by pain or pleasure. That's not the main point, however. I wish to make it known that life is- in fact- not all about academics... even in college.

I am currently getting the feeling that God placed me in this college for more spiritual nourishment, peace-seeking and calmness of heart, rather than merely go-getting. If the patterns of my lifestyle at present stay with me after I graduate college (and that will be a long way from now, God-willing), I want to be the sort of person who stops everything to help someone with a broken leg carry her books. To let others in on my bible study and spiritual walk. I want to have compassion for others when they are hungry or thirsty, whether for food and drink, or for love and mercy, a listening ear and forgiving foundation amidst all circumstances. I don't want to set limits for myself. I want to become ALL that God has planned for me; I feel so much possibility in my bones like thick threads of golden silk shooting quickly and beautifully across my heart in a way that makes my heart flutter and my soul take wing! I want to grasp them all, or perhaps I merely wish them to take me along.

The more I let my life go, the more I find satisfaction in the plans God had for me all along.

It's like... a daily surprise party. Adjusting is not always easy, but soon I worry not of planning anything, but learning to appreciate the celebration of overwhelming joy and freedom that comes with following Jesus Christ with my whole heart! And everything- no matter how crazy or irrelevant it seems at the time- ends up tying altogether like a good Karen Kingsbury series or anything by Encyclopedia Brown!

I'm beginning to see my life in a whole new light, and staying faithful to the hope of what is still to come is the best act of servitude and sacrifice I can offer. I give my life gladly, on a daily basis, and find both peace and jubilation (that sometimes sends my heart into fibrillation, I'm not gonna lie) while walking through the valley of the shadow of death with Jesus by my side and joy in my heart. There is nothing too big for God.

*sigh*

Wow... I guess I have a lot on my mind.

And I have butterflies in my stomach.

There is so much emotion coursing through my system.

My resting heart rate: 90 bpm.

Healthy heart rate: 42-67 bpm.

And I'm over here thinkin' my

-fidgety

-over-analytical

-slightly...socially awkward

-mind-whirring

-random outbursts of unstoppable emotion

was just my personality.

I suppose it can be both ;)

But I sense much needed peace.

And do pray God may grant rest for a weary soul.

Nonetheless, my life is yours.

I'm letting go.

"If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways,

take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang onto your life,

you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake,

you will save it."

-Matthew 16:24

A Saturday Sabbath

Lord, give me the strength to vent.

My head throbs and aches with impatience.

Second Semester: Week 1

My world is turned upside down.

Suddenly, the very things that spark my interest

are sending my brain on a tilt-a-whirl.

I do homework when I sleep.

My brain spins in frazzling circles until

I think of something else to think about.

Mostly, I think about Music Theory.

Along with my other inadequacies, currently.

The point of it all:

I am a little ball of stress, sending sparks while

whizzing and popping like a runaway car.

I've realized how little I've stored up for myself.

Sure, everything interests me. Most everything, anyways.

Now what needs work?

Skill sets: singing, piano, dance, and theatre.

BAM! <-- That's how it should happen, according to me.

But my spirit's nature is balance and moderation,

in all things.

I, alone, have not delved too deeply into any one interest.

There's still so much to experience.

Why settle for just a few things?

I know why-- to maybe actually become proficient at something.

Besides being a good student.

Give me instructions, and I can and will go above and beyond the call of duty.

Call me a soldier for academics, sir ;)

Do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything, by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

-Philippians 4:6

God's plan:

Patience, gentleness of spirit, and self-control.

Focus on others with love and compassion.

Read the words from heavenly Father,

about the exile and redemption of humanity!

And be filled with peace beyond all understanding,

because those guys knew where I'm comin' from-

they strayed and stressed and worried and cried-

and they were all led safely home. :)

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light

unto thy path. - Psalm 119: 105

Today became a Sabbath day. After Bible Study, I went to brunch with girls from my hall. Afterwards, we hung out at Seven palms, a picturesque little plot of low-cut grass surrounded by short brick walls with various openings. It looks a bit like a mini outdoor theatre space, because one side is concrete under constant shade under some vegetation.

Anyway, we did 1-arm/2-arm cartwheels, round-offs, loooong handstands, bridges, backwalk overs and front handsprings to our hearts content. We laid in the shade and listened to the Beatles. We talked about nothing too important, and that was just fine. :) We were together, resting and relaxing. Today was all we had, and we lived in it for a change. I liked it. My brain actually had time to store the memory. Plans came without personal impetus or urgency. They just came, and I went with them.

The sun was gentle and amiable, a playful array of sunlight absorbing into our skin like a sweet-smelling lotion. We danced and bathed in it's warmth and let it caress our paler cheeks like stepping into a thousand ribbons of silk. The afternoon snoozed along, and we found ourselves snoozing along with it. It is always a good day when time delays it's flight and stays to bask in the fun.

Rest was a good idea.

I feel my spinning in my brain slowing down with each passing hour...

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.

-Psalm 37:7

I will wait.

Meet me in Kairos.

Love,

Katherine